“It’s funny that you’re calling me tonight And, yes, I’ve dreamt of you too And does he know you’re talking to me? Will it start a fight? No, I don’t think she has a clue”

Blue eyes. Over 6 ft tall. Beard.  Possesses the ability to give amazing orgasms. Nope, I’m not describing some sort of superhero.  I’m describing the last two (non-family) important men in my life, both KJ and CS.  This is where the similarities end.  I really shouldn’t be making comparisons between the two as relationships I had with CS and my current relationship with KJ is vastly different.  But I can’t help it.

The main reason is probably that CS is back in my life, by text, on a daily basis.  We’re friends with a tiny bit of flirtiness, and we know where the line is.  Of course if I’m going to be honest with myself, there are times when I’d still love to hear his voice, as it probably remains my favorite voice to listen to.

CS matches my wit better than KJ. KJ matches me better emotionally.  But there’s no such thing as a Build-A-Bro workshop in a mall.  KJ is truly a male version of me, while CS balanced me.  I’m not trying to “decide” between the two as that decision has already been made. I know who I am with and want to be with.  Maybe with the friendship with CS, I’ve got the best of both worlds now.

I’ve always had two theories, one of which I have disproven to myself.   The first is that there really is no such things as friends with benefits. I’m sticking to that.  Usually one person catches feelings and the other doesn’t. Or, in my case, after months of swearing we didn’t want a relationship, KJ and I fell for each other.  The other theory that I’ve disproven is that exes can’t be friends.  I do still have a slight emotional attachment to CS, but at the same time like where we are now.  And if I’m being super honest, there are times when I really miss him and would love to see him again. But don’t know if that would be wise.

Totally unrelated to the post but it’s a big deal so I had to include. Congrats to my man, my KJ, of thirty days of sobriety today.  I’m so proud of him, and I can still see when he struggles.  For example, we went to a huge event with two other couples last week with 40,000 people, who were openly walking down the street drinking.   He was shaking thirty minutes in but refused to leave because it was something I wanted to do. Little did he understand that his well being is way more important to me than being at any event,  Our relationship has its ups and downs. It’s not easy. But he’s truly killing this sobriety thing.

 

 

“I feel it coming baby…”

 

Marley is my 911. My fairy godmother. Without realizing it, she makes me feel as I have glitter raining all over my head.  She knows me all too well. So well she already has a speech prepared for the inevitable falling into feelings that are going to happen with celebrity look alike, or RG. Preventive is always the best cure right? It’s always said that men think with their dicks and not their brains. Guess what ladies? We are just as guilty. Except it is worse with us. Men see tits and want to fuck. We experience a man that can make our O face happen several times in a night and the next morning our minds go into fantasies of him cooking bacon in our kitchen and weeklong vacations to Mexico.

The Weeknd sings “You’ve been scared of love and what it did to you. You don’t have to run I know what you’ve been through. Just a simple touch and it can set you free.”  That’s how we feel after getting screwed over and still want to be screwed. That’s where the mythical friends with benefits relationship comes in. Of course movies make it look so simple. It ain’t sista.

RG is the sensitive type. The kind that makes ladies cream their panties. (Shut the fuck up, I know it’s vulgar but you haven’t experienced him and I have).  We stayed up late into the night the first night we matched months ago discussing music.  He turned me on to different music (Try FM-184 Goodbye).  The first night we were together he sang to me and actually cried while listening to a song. In the coming week after that, he also told me to “fuck off” for going longer than ten minutes without texting him back. He lamented that I am just like all the other women that fuck him and ghost him. In other words, he was a lot of drama even for me. But there’s something about that broody Heath Ledger movie type.

A week ago when Goodbye came up on my playlist and I was rather lonely, I sent the text to RG, opened up that again.  When I saw him after the couple date disaster, he talked to me and let me know how he’d changed. That when he dated me prior he was at the point of drinking himself sober. That night became the best sex I’d had in my entire life.  I saw him again a few days later. That topped the previous sex.

This brings me back to my friends with benefits point. RG has told me “let’s just have fun, I’m still working on me.” Gotcha RG-no attachment.  Until the rules of fuck buddies start to get broken. We are opening up to each other. We cuddled. He asked me to come over last night (that would’ve made three times in less than a week). He finally ended the night with the text “Let me know when you’re ready, I want you all night long.”  Uhhhhh—– do fuck buddies have sleepovers?

This is going to be an interesting ride.  My fingers  have been itching to send a good morning text all morning. Can I trust that he’s really changed? If he has, can I get over he’s not my tall, dark, scruffy manly man type?

 

On a lighter note: Best pickup line goes to my new match who said “Would you mind if I copy your pics to send to Santa so I can show him what I want for Christmas?”

Happy Black Friday dear reader.

 

always–Ellie

PS: RG  has me in his phone as a nickname he gave me months ago.  He incessantly calls me babe. I asked and found out last night that he didn’t remember my real name. (Alcohol kills brain cells). Can I forgive that? Yep, that tongue action can have me forgiving everything but running over my dog