Post break up day 2: I miss him. And I hate myself for that. He was the one person besides those I live with that I talked to or at least communicated with for three months straight. Not a day went by without something. I feel pathetic to still be obsessing over the question of why wasn’t I enough? So I send multiple texts to Tandy every time I feel the urge to text him. And she reminds me why I shouldn’t.
So this post is about the song. It truly is different for girls when their hearts get broke. I have two date potentials from my past , and one super cute guy seven years my junior. First is BJ. BJ I actually truly dated off and on for about nine months. Him and I had great potential. The chemistry was strong , it was the lasting type of chemistry though. The comfortable, familiar kind. Not the all consuming chemistry that burns you up on the inside that I had with CS. In other words, not the kind that gets you addicted , rather the kind that makes you feel safe. He’d cook for me. We’d watch football together. Sex was great. One time I even showed up at his door in nothing but football socks, a thong, his favorite NFL team jersey, and an overcoat.The timing was just always off with BJ and me. And the fact that at the time I had a huge Ambien addiction, and he refused to deal with it as he was a recovering Xanax addict. Upon finding out I’m on the market again, he jumped right on it. He wanted to see me last night, but I couldn’t, and he’s been pressuring me ever since to give him a day.
Next is young cop. He’s young, hot, and I’d had a really good time with him previously. I rematched with him and we began to talk. He asked me to dinner before his shift last night but I had to decline. Tandy even said “wtf is wrong with you? Look at him Ellie”
I matched with MS yesterday. He’s a bit younger. Also super cute. Trying to flirt but my flirtation button that I’ve possessed since I was a toddler seems to have broken.
“A guy goes how with his friends and he might hook up” But I can’t . And I want nothing more than to do that . Again, I don’t think it’s him that’s holding me back but just the fact I can’t get over the feeling of being duped. And I don’t have the closure I seek and will never get. So my question remains , do I just shave and wax and just go fuck MS? See if the old adage is true that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else? The last three months were pretend to him, how do I get there?
PS: does anyone know where I can just purchase one of those neuralyzer thingies they had in Men in Black? Just erase all memories.